Sunday, August 15, 2004

Watching the Olympics reminded me of how Americans always look so... American. There was a story on American athletes and tourists being coached on how to be less conspicuous in Athens, by not waving the American flags too much and such, so as to avoid becoming targets. But Americans' arrogance and swagger are so inborn and undeniable, no matter what they do. When the American delegation marched in the opening ceremony, some people were casually chewing gum and looking as if they were strolling down a street and not representing their country to all the world.

All this has to do with the butt too, I'm afraid.

When I was a little girl, watching the women's volleyball finals between China and America on TV, the most pronounced difference I could see was how the American players all had full and round butts, whereas the Chinese women didn't. This is also why American underpants don't fit me well, they have too much fabric, covering non-existent flesh, creating an unflattering ride-up in the back.

So here is what I need to do, get an attitude and an American ass.


Blogger Les Bain said...

It reminds of the stories of Americans in occupied France in WWII. The French underground had to teach Americans to behave so they were not recognized as American. They had to be taught.
Do not chew gum.
Do not jingle the coins in your pocket.
Do not whistle as you walk.
Do not walk arrogantly.
... it appears not much has changed.

3:41 AM  
Blogger Evil Jonny said...

Although I have a rather large American butt myself, I must say that I understand your sense of alienation entirely. First off, I'm a 5'7 white male who has a 32" inch waist and 30" legs. Try buying that size of pants anywhere in this country. It's impossible! So you can imagine that I was beside myself when I moved to Japan and everything fit...

Likewise, I have lived in Europe and watched in horror as groups of my fellow Americans walk down the street yelling at full volume while wearing donning their terrible tennis shoes and sweat pants. Uh, the horror!

8:13 PM  

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